Poetry

Poem: Relenting Thoughts

All day I do nothing but think
Remembering the flowers that adorned your lips
As I take off your thorns from my tongue

I bleed, and I bleed slowly
Running away from myself, just to find you
I have forgotten time

Many years and months
Many sorrows have passed

And I know where you are
You are with that someone you wanted me to be
I feel guilty, shameful

I hope you’re depressed
Missing me
Dying to see me

But it is a lie, you are happy
You are happy without me

Dialogues

Alex is a Moron (Dialogue)

Me: How do you know you're not a moron?
Alex: How do you know I'm a moron?
Me: What makes you intelligent then?
Alex: What makes me intelligent is that I'm intelligent.
Me: See, you started off with the wrong foot. That's a logical 
fallacy called "circular reasoning," or "begging the question."
Alex: I don't beg for anything.
Me: Well, you are begging the question.
Alex: What question?
Me: What makes you intelligent.
Alex: I'm just intelligent.
Me: It's fine to think that, but what makes you intelligent?
Alex: The fact that I'm intelligent.
Me: Whatever.
Dialogues

Will is a Piece of Shit [Dialogue]

Me: You're an idiot.
Will: So?
Me: You never realized it before?
Will: I'm not an idiot.
Me: You just recognized you are.
Will: Whatevs.
Me: Why do you have to be like that to people?
Will: Like what?
Me: A real scum piece of shit.
Will: I'm not.
Me: If anyone ever did to you what you did to me, 
what would you think of them? Or more importantly, 
what would do to them?
Will: Yeah, I can see how that would suck.
Me: It would "suck"? Dude, you're a slimy piece of shit.
Will: Yeah I can see why you think that.
Me: I guess that you don't care.
Will: Not too much.
Me: You gaslighted me for no reason.
Will: I had my reasons.
Me: I never even met you before.
*Will Shrouds*
Me: You're a real piece of shit. And you are also a 
retarded moron.
Will: Maybe I am.
Me: "Maybe" you are? You gotta be kidding.

 

Dialogues

Will Believes in god, Just not the Bible [Dialogue]

Me: So you believe in a god, but not the god of the Bible?

Will: Yes.

Me: Why?

Will: Well, everything comes from somewhere.

Me: So where did god come from then?

Will: I don’t know, maybe this god has always existed.

Me: So you’re saying everything comes from somewhere, yet this god didn’t come from somewhere. That’s a logical fallacy called “Special Pleading.” If the statement that everything comes from somewhere is true, then this god must have come from somewhere too. Otherwise not everything comes from somewhere.

Will: Where did the universe come from then?

Me: I don’t know, but your question is based on the assumption that “everything comes from somewhere” when we clearly don’t know.

Will: So how else did the universe get here?

Me: Maybe it didn’t “get here” and it has always existed, –maybe.

Will: How can something have no beginning?

Me: Well, you didn’t have a problem believing this god has always existed and didn’t have a beginning, so why is it a problem to think that the universe could have always existed?

Will: But how do you know it has always existed?

Me: I’m not saying it –has always existed. What I’m saying is that it’s not required that it must have come from something, maybe it did or maybe it didn’t.

Will: I’m having a hard time believing the universe has always existed.

Me: But you didn’t have a problem believing this god has always existed, I don’t get it.

Will: I just never thought about it that much.

Dialogues

Brenda Wants to Smoke Weed [Dialogue]

Brenda: Why do you smoke weed?

Me: I like how I feel when I smoke weed.

Brenda: So you want to be high all day?

Me: Yeah, preferably.

Brenda: Why?

Me: Because it’s fun, it makes me think, and I enjoy music even more.

Brenda: I want to try weed.

Me: You shouldn’t want to try weed because of how other people feel when they’re on it.

Brenda: It just makes me curious.

Me: Well, all I can say is that I regret ever trying it.

Brenda: I thought you said you like it.

Me: I do, but there’s so much that comes with it. I’m addicted to it. Even thought I have not smoked it in a while.

Brenda: Why haven’t you smoked it in a while?

Me: I know it’s bad for me personally. I spend all my money on it and I don’t want to work or do anything.

Brenda: That’s a bad thing.

Me: Yeah, that’s what I just said.

Dialogues

Will, and I. [Cerebral Dialogue]

Will, and I. – A cerebral dialogue.

 

Me: How can you not care about other people?

Will: I just don’t.

Me: How would you feel if someone did the same to you?

Will: I don’t care.

Me: So are you a pedophile?

Will: Yes , and what’s wrong with that?

Me: Do you remember when you were abused, how did you feel?

Will: It sucked.

Me: Why would you want to do the same to other people then?

Will: I don’t know, I like it.

Me: How do you feel when you do it? Why do you like it?

Will: It makes me feel strong and in control.

Me: Was that your perception of the person who abused you? And that you felt you couldn’t do anything about it?

Will: That’s interesting, I didn’t think about it like that.

Me: Don’t you want to understand yourself better? Maybe by understanding the situation you can make this problem better.

Will: I don’t care about making the situation better, I like the situation.

Me: That is very difficult to understand. Don’t you see it’s harmful?

Will: That sounds ridiculous, harmful? I like being harmful, because people suck. Kids deserve to suffer.

Me: Why do they deserve to suffer?

Will: Because they’re kids and kids deserve to suffer.

*I think to myself that these are very bad people and that I should tell the police. But I don’t have any information on this guy, I don’t even know his age. He looks 30-something, but I’m sure there are a lot of Wills or Williams who are 30-something. Besides I’ve never seen him doing anything to any kid. Maybe it’s just all in my head, and he’s lying about being a pedophile. Why? I don’t know.*

Me: That doesn’t make sense. To say kids deserve to suffer because kids deserve to suffer is illogical. You’re using a logical fallacy called “circular reasoning.” There must be something that you hate about kids. Is it possible that you just couldn’t find a reason why your were abused as a kid and since you couldn’t find a reason you concluded that “you just deserved it.” And now when you see a kid, you see yourself. And therefore you think the kid deserves to suffer.

Will: That is interesting, how do you do that?

Me: Do what?

Will: Think like that.

Me: I don’t know, It’s just common sense, I guess.

*Will looks to the side as he always does when the conversation gets interesting and can’t think of what to say, or doesn’t want to say what he’s thinking.*

Me: Do you want to stop doing what you’re doing?

Will: No.

Me: Why not?

Will: Because I like it.

Me: How can you like harming other people?

Will: Because they deserve it.

Me: So were you the guy that put the pill in the glass of water when I was drugged back in Texas?

*Will seems like he’s not sure how to answer the question*

Will: No, it wasn’t me.

*I’m not sure it was him, but I keep the topic going to see if I can find out if it was him or not.*

Me: The people that were there described you as a person who looks like a wolf because of how blue your eyes are; and, that the other person was very tall. You have very blue eyes and do look like a wolf… Will: They said I looked like a wolf? Why?

Me: So you were that person then.

*Will looks nervous*

Will: No. I was just curious.

Me: They also described the other person who was with you as being very tall. Your friend over here is very tall. How tall are you Alex?

Alex: I’m 6’7″.

*I think about it, and it all makes sense. That’s why they’re doing this right now. They want to gaslight me so that I doubt whether what I saw was true or not. But I’m still not sure… Maybe when Will said “They said I looked like a wolf? Why?” it was just to confuse me, I honestly don’t remember how the guy who put the pill in the cup looked like.*

Me: So why are you doing this Will?

Will: I don’t know.

*Will looks to the side again, probably thinking and hoping I’m not sure it was him who put the pill.*

Me: Alex, so were you there too?

Alex: No I wasn’t. It wasn’t me.

*Alex chuckles. Probably happy that I’m confused and that I’m not sure about what I’m thinking.*

Me: So what was that you put in the cup? Will: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Me: You do know what I’m talking about.

Will: I don’t.

*Will looks to the side and there is a silence. I then tell Ben.*

Me: I’m sorry that they did this to you.

Ben: Did what?

Me: Drove you crazy.

*This now the me as I write this in the present thinking I can talk to Ben in the past, even though it doesn’t make any sense and it’s not possible… I think. — Scratch that, it is impossible and I’m sure. But I proceed to talk to Ben in the past anyway, it’s fun, even if it’s not true that I actually can do it.*

Me: There is medication for it, Ben. It really helps, I suspect you’re going through the same mental problems I’m going through right now in the present.

Ben: Yeah, you’re in the future and I’m in the present, isn’t that pretty cool?

Me: No, you got it backwards, you are in the past and I am in the future. But it makes sense you say that because it’s your perspective.

*I think to myself in the present and say in my head “this is impossible. It would be amazing if it were possible, but it can’t be true.”*

Ben: Maybe it is.

*Ben immediately chuckles because he remembers how I always said that supernatural occurrences are very unlikely since there is no evidence of it.*

*Ben chuckles again, he likes the fact that I constantly repeated that supernatural things are not real, and yet I am talking to him when he is in the past while I’m in the present. Ben chuckles again. As I stare at him in my head, he chuckles continuously. Then Alex laughs, he laughs at everything.*

Alex: This is pretty cool.

*Alex keeps laughing.*

Me: Why are you laughing?

Alex: I don’t know, I just laugh.

*Alex laughs again cause he doesn’t understand why he’s laughing, and that makes him laugh more.*

Alex: What’s wrong with laughing? I like it. I like to laugh.

*Alex does a little chuckle and stares at me*

Me: Why are you looking at me?

Alex: You’re weird. Me: No, you are all weird. What was that thing you said that you like to get raped?

Alex: Yes, I like to get raped.

Me: That doesn’t make any sense. You can’t want something you don’t want. Isn’t that what rape is? When someone does something to you against your will? How can it be your will that you want someone to do something to you against your will? That’s crazy, and you are crazy.

*I think to myself that this is unbelievable, but it’s entirely possible, being abused as a kid can really mess you up psychologically.*

Me: So how do you feel about the fact that you don’t make any sense? Alex: It makes sense to me.

Me: Yeah and it makes sense to an schizophrenic that shadows can talk back to them. So the fact that it makes sense to you doesn’t mean much.

*Alex laughs.*

Alex: I’m crazy, that’s it, I’m crazy.

Me: You are crazy.

*I feel happy that I’m doing exactly what they did to me at the time, even thought I didn’t know I was doing it. It is wrong to do this, but it’s more wrong that they would just get away with it, that they just came out of nowhere and drove me crazy. I got to the point where I thought the FBI wanted to frame me with something and put me in the electric chair. I’m glad this people got what they deserve, eye for an eye I suppose.*

*Will looks at me and asks.*

Will: So what’s up?

Me: Not much, just here, hating your guts.

*Will chuckles because of how honestly I said that, and no one maybe said that to his face.*

Ben: That’s cool that you did that to him too. This bitch sucks.

*Ben says to Will*

Ben: I hate you, I fucking hate you.

Will: Ben, so why are you here?

Ben: I don’t know. I have nothing else to do. Plus you got me into smoking crack, and crack is all I think about now.

Me: Have you tried quitting?

*Ben looks at me with a sarcastic face, and says very sarcastically*

Ben: No, I didn’t think about that.

*I realize it was stupid of me to say that. He must have thought about it.*

Me: Do you want live the rest of your life feeling like that? If not, then you must do something about it. You will need to be strong, from what I see crack is highly addictive. But it’s not impossible to quit, other people have quit it.

Ben: Yeah, I just can’t.

Me: It’s not easy, but you can. Why did you smoke it in the first place? Ben: I don’t know, I wanted to know how it felt. It was stupid.

Me: Well, the addiction is just not gonna go away on its own. The only way to quit is by stopping. Find something you love to do and do it all day, or for as much as you can.

Ben: I really don’t care about anything other than crack.

Me: It breaks my heart men. You’re a good guy… You just messed with the wrong thing. And Will, you messed with the wrong person.

To be continued.