Writing about a loss seems futile.
Thinking about what I lost seems futile.
But thinking about what I want never is.
I don’t wish I would start again,
because that’s exactly what I’m doing.
It seems like everyday is changing,
into things that make no sense.
Shame and guilt keep sinking.
As my body fades into filth.
Decomposed matter is the only thing I could hope to be.
Eaten away by rats and worms, my true only friends.
If I were you I would hate me too, you see.
I am worthless nothing who only hopes for less.
Dirt is a fair price.
Feces my only friend.
Nothing more can I long for.
Nothing more I deserve.
Inside I hold my madness.
Inside I live alone.
Stay away, I am worthless.
Don’t let this dirt stain your clothes.
Everyday I search for the formula
that would make my nonexistence clear.
Of being filth I’m not worthy.
What I deserve is to disappear
Why do you say I'm a leech
For taking back the money that I give
I'm not content
Because I don't have the freedom that I need
Brother, these words are scars
Just so you can see
That I don't have to be you
And you don't have to be me
Who would defend you
Other than yourself and your brothers
Who would defend me
Other than you and your demons
Who would would defend us
Other than love and your neighbors
I am one
And you are one
You and I
What do we make together other than two
In a capitalist state
The poor lives
And the rich dies
I wonder where you are
because I know where we’ve been
You left with a smile on your eyes
As you forgot to return my soul
One of your hairs fell on my feet
Right next to my heart
And I picked up your hair,
It was the only thing worth saving
All day I do nothing but think
Remembering the flowers that adorned your lips
As I take off your thorns from my tongue
I bleed, and I bleed slowly
Running away from myself, just to find you
I have forgotten time
Many years and months
Many sorrows have passed
And I know where you are
You are with that someone you wanted me to be
I feel guilty, shameful
I hope you’re depressed
Dying to see me
But it is a lie, you are happy
You are happy without me