Poem: What I Deserve

It seems like everyday is changing,
into things that make no sense.
Shame and guilt keep sinking.
As my body fades into filth.

Decomposed matter is the only thing I could hope to be.
Eaten away by rats and worms, my true only friends.
If I were you I would hate me too, you see.
I am worthless nothing who only hopes for less.

Dirt is a fair price.
Feces my only friend.
Nothing more can I long for.
Nothing more I deserve.

Inside I hold my madness.
Inside I live alone.
Stay away, I am worthless.
Don’t let this dirt stain your clothes.

Everyday I search for the formula
that would make my nonexistence clear.
Of being filth I’m not worthy.
What I deserve is to disappear


Poem: Relenting Thoughts

All day I do nothing but think
Remembering the flowers that adorned your lips
As I take off your thorns from my tongue

I bleed, and I bleed slowly
Running away from myself, just to find you
I have forgotten time

Many years and months
Many sorrows have passed

And I know where you are
You are with that someone you wanted me to be
I feel guilty, shameful

I hope you’re depressed
Missing me
Dying to see me

But it is a lie, you are happy
You are happy without me